Feeling invisible

Writing  this there is more good than bad in my experiences. My challenge is to forget about the negative part of my work team and make use of the positive and happy part.

As per the title I so often feel invisible – especially when I say good morning to one of the team and I’m ignored. Or a colleague walks past me into the office next to my desk and proceeds to discuss with the Dr a patient I am the Case Manager for and neither the Dr or the nurse includes me in the conversation. Not once but again and again. Time for positive focus with people who know what being in a team really means.


The time I began to disappear

was when I joined the team with a title unclear.

No orientation ever occurred when joining this team,

nor were member introductions important it did seem.

A place for me to sit was not a high priority given,

told to take a desk already occupied -would I be forgiven?

Not an ideal start sat in some one else’s spot,

then when the team saw how much stuff I had -such a lot!

Big welcomes were given by some of the team people,

others showed not a response even simple.

From the beginning some team members walked right past as I read,

and not ever a ‘good morning’ or ‘hi’ was ever said.

I always spoke a greeting to every one each day to begin,

but this did not seem to change a thing.

Those who ignored me and chose to pass me by,

when i asked how their home visits went their reply was not nice;

shrugs and ‘OK’ was the answer I was given,

heads down I was ignored and left feeling shriven.

Information about my patients is not being communicated to me;

my frustrations, caring and compassion it seemed no one could see.

But holding emotions inside was causing me pain,

what was the point and was there a gain?

I approached these individuals with a smile and care,

Again they ignored me and turned away on their chair.

Professional at all times I offered education instead,

using email, print outs and at meetings nurse led.

Once more it seemed my efforts had not occurred,

not once any acknowledgement from those who had heard.

Discussions aplenty with the 2 leaders in the team

‘why Toni we don’t know what you mean?’

I am the one with the problem I have been told,

they had heard I am often bossy and bold;

‘why don’t you consider the many world problems bigger than this?

your issues are nothing, don’t be such a ‘miss’.’

Not their exact words but they may as well been

for some time I honestly did not want to be seen.

For me time to think so why do I waste,

so much energy  on those who show poor taste.

if they don’t want to have any thing to do with me,

their action is theirs I will leave them be.

The other team members who have shared their soul

by showing their respect for our patients, myself and my role;

they deserve the focus of all things that are good,

and the reward of job satisfaction as well as good food!

the treasures I work with are the ones whom I must focus,

so look out you lovelies for the Toni new positive locus;

you have each demonstrated you are definitely not a villain!

A lesson to be learnt once more from me,

stay away from those idiots who pretend they can’t see!


Poetry -fun times

Four days with Noah and Millie
has made me feel anything but silly
Such fun we have had
laughs and giggles none bad.
Reading we all love a lot
Noah even has a book about green snot!
Emilia and I had some girl time
in Spotlight we stayed until we heard the ‘closing’ chime
Sushi was the special Saturday night takeaway tea
and even great gran loved it, we were full all of we!
At long last we saw the movie ‘Paper Planes’ the 4 of us
Umar loved it best even though she cried and made a little fuss
‘It was good Umar’ we said, now do you think we can get some food?
So off we went – will we eat unhealthy or good?

Subway and Moso burgers won the food bet,
and watching Pop trying to steal chips we did not let!
Back home to Myrtleford for another swim
and Umar showed us the exercises she does at her gym.
Sunday all except Noah had a lovely sleep in,
then off to Carrarra markets even Poppy seemed keen!
So breakfast time it was and we were smacking our lips,
cant believe the kids had a muffin, calamari and chips.
Pop and Umar were happy to get their coffee hot and nice,
and the grandies just wanted to play mini golf what a price!


Fluff balls

as told by my Mum, Shirley born 24.05.1933.

‘When we were young my sisters Joan, Norma and I would go to church on Sunday night ( Sunday night was a treat allowed only for teenagers). It was winter so we were all wearing woolen jumpers. The sermon was long and boring. To pass the time we would pluck small balls of wool out of our jumpers. When the adults in front of us stood up for the hymn, we would drop the fluff balls onto the pew in front of us. Next hymn when the adults in front of us stood up, the fluff balls were all over the seat of their coats. This called much hilarity amongst the three of us.

This continued for three weeks and made Sunday night church a lovely anticipation. On the third Sunday as we left church a lady approached us and said ‘if you girls don’t stop laughing in church and disturbing the congregation I’m going to tell your Mother’!

That was the end of fluff balls in the church!



It is such a powerful thing communication. Done poorly or not at all can lead to so many issues. I believe all wars occur due to poor communication or miscommunication. History and my GOM tells me they occur due to religious difference but I believe then that is miscommunication, as no religion has as its faith killing others.

i have just spent the last hour speaking to a special person in my life who lives far away.  We talked through messenger, so it was all typing but it was such a nice catch up and reaffirmed to me the importance of communication. Done correctly, communicating can be such a nice feeling! I feel very special right now!

So I am now feeling inspired to get back to my blog and try some regular writing. Hope I’m here maybe twice a week from now on? If I can go to the gym four days in a row cold turkey surely I can write twice a week?


Clutter, what is about certain ‘stuff’ we have to have? ( May 2014)

I look around my home, I could never describe it as ‘less is more’, I have so many special things that bring me so much pleasure. Let me explain.

Photos hang every where – in every room including the laundry. Photos of my family and friends, and many, many photos of my grand children. I have more framed photo’s stacked in my studio waiting for me to hang them. I also have post cards bought from art galleries around the world. I have them framed and ready to hang, although I have no wall space left to hang them any way!

Books, I have so many. I collect antique books; as many from the Victorian era that I can afford. Vintage books appeal just as much, especially those written for children. Did I mention my collection of Pixie O’Harris books too? I also collect books of any ages about fairies, mermaids, gnomes and elves.

Christmas is a magic time of  year – each year I purchase one or two very special Christmas items, I also have all my childrens Christmas decorations they made as well as decorations from my own childhood. I talked about my book collections, I also collect Christmas books, at last count I had 54!

I love stationary, the hand written word is so special and distinct. I have lots of different types of paper to write on, as well as colored pens.

This is has become a ramble, but a happy ramble!


Contentment written March 2014

Contentment is an emotion that many people don’t often feel. I am feeling it right now. A big sleep in after two busy days inter state.

Met for lunch with realtives we have not seen for a long time and all was harmonious and relaxed. A very big shopping trip for very boring but necessary groceries. The grumpy Old Man (GOM) was reasonably well behaved with my shopping choices (does moaning loudly three times about the amount of money I spent equate to reasonably well behaved?)

Home and I unpacked and planned meals for the rest of the week. Got all the travel gear unpacked, sorted, washed and hung out. Work gear sorted and even packed gear to walk home from work tomorrow.

Bed made with fresh sheets. Vegie meal cooked for mother in law. Dealed with more groans from GOM when I informed him we were having vegies only for tea since we had a large cooked lunch. Very enoyed vegies only for tea!

Wrote on 11 letters or cards or envelopes which should reach relevant birthday/engaged people this week. Many other bits waiting to be posted that had been piling on the desk for weeks, so again contentment that they are all sealed and stamped and ready to be posted tomorrow. Ooohhhh, big sigh because it feels good.

Then I have managed to sit at my lovely desk since 4 pm or so (other than cooking tea, eating tea and making GOM lunch), I honestly think this is the longest I have sat here since we got this beautiful piece of furniture two months ago!

So more contentment gazing out the window at the view, my fairy garden, the growing rain forest, the rain clouds gathering, a very peaceful feeling.

Now time for a shower and bed, and since I slept in today I aim to read the Sunday paper in its entirety tonight, bliss!


Fatigue, is it over rated?

I am wondering what it is is about feeling weary, exhausted, so needing a rest the body wants to weep. These thoughts are mixed with annoyance for me too because I am a fit and healthy middle aged woman, so I work full time and have many things happening out of long work hours; but how dare I complain? I am not experiencing illness requiring truly exhausting (and often frightening) medical treatment.

So I say ‘snap out of it woman’. We all know easier said than done. I think of the many women and men in history and sadly and wrongly still happening now – slaves whom are forced to work with out breaks, have minimal or no sleep at night, who leave their enforced day work to go ‘home’ to a squalor sharing with their own and other numerous family members.

Yes, I think fatigue is over rated. I have had the luxury to sit and type these words, sipping a peppermint tea, before I return to the tiresome and menial jobs for the day. I am refreshed and ready to take it all on. Some thing that the people who are in enforced slavery do not have the option to do.


slow studio improvements

Well over two hot muggy gold coast days I have managed to decant my large bedroom book shelf, wipe all my many books, wash the book shelf and with the help of hubby lug it sown the hallway into my studio.

I then trudged back and forth with the numerous books. Loaded it all up and then the GOM rightly pointed out that it was too top heavy……….so swapped all the heavy hard cover books from the top shelf to the bottom shelf. Also , what about all those fairy books in one of the down stairs book shelves? The studio is not only about writing but about fairies, elves, goblins and all things magical and old. So yes, found all of them (about 15) quick dust and upstairs to their new home in my studio bookshelf.

I have had no luck finding a rocking/sitting/relaxing chair so decided to lug up stairs one of our large cane cushioned chairs, covered it with a yellow throw and a little lace head rest and voila, almost vintage looking. Still hunting for a comfy desk chair but have gorgeous daughter in law Nina helping with that task. The guy I bought the desk from had found me a wooden chair fromthe early 1900’s in Sydney but chair was $450 and then $150 delivery – ikes, no way!

Have also added some things tomy special room that make me smile – like a vase of my Mums lavender, and my new little lepracorn from Peachester. As well as the fantastic new inkwells and fountain pens. Hope soon to be able to sit uninterupted and write away!


Missing chair

So here I am, checking out my first attempt at a ‘blog’ – earlier I added a photo of a chair and quite a detailed description. Said photo, description, blog first attempt all gone.

Mmmmm,try again i guess, as we are all taught, ‘if at first I don’t succeed try, try again’!



perfect chair

I spent an hour today looking in a 2nd hand furniture store for a chair for my studio – and look at this, my daughter in law up cycles and I completely forgot! I think this chair or very similar would be perfect for the guests who visit my studio – what do you think?

perfect chair